Mediation Can Be Like Preparing a Fine Meal
By: Raul Romaguera
Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator
Florida Supreme Court Qualified Arbitrator
Too often, when I begin a mediation, I hear one of the parties (usually one of the attorneys) say “we don’t want to
be here all day”. Patience in mediation is a vital concept for all engaged reflecting the necessity for participants to exercise restraint, understanding, and perseverance throughout the sometimes lengthy mediation process. Here’s why patience is essential in mediation and cooking:
be here all day”. Patience in mediation is a vital concept for all engaged reflecting the necessity for participants to exercise restraint, understanding, and perseverance throughout the sometimes lengthy mediation process. Here’s why patience is essential in mediation and cooking:Importance of Patience in Mediation
- Complex Issues: Mediation often involves complex issues that require time to understand and resolve. Rushing through the process can lead to superficial solutions that may not address the root causes of the conflict. Thus, while one side may not consider an issue as complex, it may be to the other side. A good recipe is not always the best recipe. Sometimes you have to try and keep it simple, but sometimes you can’t.
- Emotional Processing: Clients (and sometimes their attorneys) may have strong emotions tied to the issues being mediated. A loved one may have died, or the participant may have been seriously injured which requires patience to allow for the emotional processing necessary for genuine understanding and resolution.
- Building Trust: Trust between parties and the mediator is crucial. Trust-building is a gradual process that requires time and consistency. That’s why it is so important for the mediator to let the parties know up front that he/she is not a decision maker, doesn’t decide facts, is neutral, and ultimately, the matter can be resolved only by the parties. A mediator may try to hand the parties the utensils and ingredients, but it’s ultimately up to the parties to make the souffle.
- Exploring Options: Effective mediation involves exploring various options and alternatives. Patience ensures that all possibilities are considered, leading to more sustainable resolutions. An experienced meditator will suggest unique solutions when they might be needed, the same way an experienced chef might find that a single ingredient can make a world of difference.
- Fairness and Equity: Patience ensures that all parties feel heard and valued, promoting a sense of fairness and equity in the process. Blustering by one side or another is usually neither helpful nor productive. Leave that for the courtroom!
Recipe to Cultivate Patience in Mediation
- Active Listening: Focus on truly understanding what the other party is saying without planning your response. Too often I see lawyers feverishly scribbling down some notes to “blast” the other side. This is usually not helpful. This deep listening helps in acknowledging emotions and perspectives.
- Setting Realistic Expectations: Understanding that mediation is a process that takes time can help set realistic expectations for progress and outcomes. Don’t try to rush the process. It’s like preparing a fine meal, you have to follow the process for the best possible outcome. Voila!
- Regular Breaks: Taking short breaks during sessions can prevent fatigue and allow parties to return with a fresh perspective.
- Empathy and Compassion: Cultivating empathy helps in understanding the other party’s perspective, reducing frustration and impatience. Thus, while you may be denying culpability for the other party’s loss, it’s important to keep things in perspective. It may not be personal to you but it might be to the other side.
- Focus on Long-Term Goals: Keeping sight of the long-term benefits of a mediated agreement can help sustain patience through the challenging parts of the process. All parties came to mediation in the hopes of putting these matters to bed once and for all.
- Effective Communication Skills: Using “I” statements, reframing negative comments, and avoiding blame can keep the conversation productive and reduce impatience. In the end, the parties are never going to agree with each other’s facts or even feelings but it certainly can benefit them to put these matters behind them even though they may not (and probably won’t) get everything they wanted. It may not be the best meal but it’s edible.
By recognizing the importance of patience and employing strategies to cultivate it, mediation participants can enhance the likelihood of reaching a mutually satisfactory resolution. Bon Appetit!