“I’m Sorry” – The Most Underrated Tool in Mediation

By: Raul Romaguera
Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator
Florida Supreme Court Qualified Arbitrator

Mediation is not simply a negotiation involving a neutral 3rd party to facilitate a hoped-for resolution of the case. It can be a rich blend of cognitive science, emotional intelligence and control, and social dynamics.

Parties often see the case/conflict as a reflection of their worth, or as a reflection of their loved one’s worth. They tend to try and protect that identity. Sometimes that can be as important, or even more so, than the actual terms of the resolution. A simple “I’m sorry” may lead to a better resolution of the matter.

Surprisingly powerful, an apology can be more transformative than any money settlement. Since mediation is confidential by law, it is the perfect venue to build trust and validate an injured party’s experience that can be essential for emotional closure, and when sincerely done, it opens the door for more constructive communication and resolution.

When seen as tactical and insincere, an apology can backfire and seem hollow and merely an attempt to gain an advantage. Sometimes, a simple explanation may reduce defensiveness. So, it behooves every practitioner to be prepared, and to have their client(s) prepared to either provide a full-throated apology, or an explanation, or none at all. It is up to the practitioner (and his/her client) to decide whether to go this route and who, if anyone, will give the apology.

Preparing for a meaningful mediation can be key to resolving the matter. Sometimes saying you’re sorry may be the best decision, and sometimes it may not be. The attorney and his/her client decide what may be the best path forward.