Are You Seeing the Whole Elephant?

By: Philip G. Thompson
Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator
Florida Supreme Court Qualified Arbitrator

There are some really great proverbs that help illustrate what mediation is all about. One of them involves some blind children and an elephant. It goes like this:

A support group for blind children went on a field trip to the zoo for a guided tour so that the children could have hands on encounters with various animals. The first animal the children encountered was an elephant. Each child was allowed to step up and feel the elephant. The first child felt the elephant’s leg and said, “ah, elephants are like tree trunks”. A second child felt the elephant’s ear and said, “no, elephants are like a piece of lettuce”. The next child felt the elephant’s side and said, “I think elephants are like a rough wall”. A fourth child felt the elephant’s trunk and said, “no, elephants are like a thick hose”. The last child felt the elephant’s tail and said, “elephants are like a piece of rope”.

Each child perceived something completely different, and as a result, their overall takeaway of what an elephant is like was also completely different. This turned on something as random as where each child happened to be standing. But imagine how off base each child thought the others sounded when they heard all the others describe what an elephant is like. Without exposing each child to all the other parts of the elephant, each child can’t understand the characterizations from the other children. The same is true with parties at mediation.

Unfortunately, each party comes to mediation with blinders on. They have already painted their own picture of themselves and their adversary in the litigation and have also painted their own picture of how they see the underlying facts and legal issues of their controversy. This is because each side is emotionally and financially invested in the legal dispute. But their view of the facts and legal issues at play is always going to vary because of the unique perspective and vantage point that each party brings to the table. It is not uncommon that the parties come to mediation diametrically opposed in how they view the facts and legal issues. But, like the blind children in this proverb, each party at mediation is only perceiving a small portion of the overall big picture. In other words, they each see only part of the elephant. But not the same part, let alone the whole elephant.

This is where an experienced mediator comes into play. A good mediator shows each side the whole elephant by providing the parties with useful insight and perspective about the other side’s claims and defenses, along with the practical considerations that drive each side’s view of the controversy. It is not the mediator’s place to tell a party if they are right or wrong or if they are going to win or lose their case. In fact, resolving conflict really isn’t about who is right. It is about acknowledgement and appreciation of differences! When the parties can acknowledge and appreciate the views of their adversary, then they can act reasonably in a conciliatory manner. Usually, mediation is not about finding a solution. It’s about identifying the problem. Once the problem is identified, the solution will present itself.

But to do this, it is necessary for each side to understand the other side’s perspective. The goal is not for each side to agree with the other side’s perspective. Rather, the goal is simply to understand these competing perspectives so that the parties can see what is truly driving the controversy on both sides of the equation. After being armed with this insight and self-awareness, the parties now have the tools to craft their own solution to the controversy. When folks are able to do this, the paradigm gets shifted away from serving justice or declaring a winner for something that happened in the past. Instead, the parties look toward the future and begin working together to find a suitable outcome to their controversy. This is done by identifying the underlying needs and interests of both parties and integrating them. The paradigm is no longer me against you or us versus them. It’s we’re all in this together now, so let’s figure out a way to put this behind us.

That’s the beauty of mediation. It truly is a collaborative process where sworn enemies must work together to figure out a mutually agreeable resolution to their litigation. But this is only possible when each side understands where the other side is coming from and how it is that they formed their point of view in the first place. If each side can do that, they can truly diagnose the source of their disagreement and find the common ground they need in order to compromise and craft a mutually agreeable solution looking toward the future.

So the next time you are in mediation, ask yourself what part of the elephant you are seeing versus the part of the elephant your adversary is seeing. Then try to see the whole elephant together. If you can do that, the solution to your problem will present itself.